People in the news are the perfect examples to learn from when it comes to communication (both good examples and poor ones).  And the President's recent State of the Union address was no exception. 

It, like every State of the Union address in recent history, was a perfect study of confirmation bias affecting listening skills. Or rather, the response to the address, was a perfect example.  

Confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, and recall information in a way that confirms one's pre-existing beliefs. It's a human condition that one has to work hard to overcome. In fact, it's one of the primary reasons we don't listen well in meetings.

During the State of the Union address, you likely noticed that one side agreed with most everything said. Meanwhile, the other side disagreed with the same. How can that be? Can one person be completely right? Or completely wrong? 

[This is not an invitation to discuss politics in the comments. Your views are your views. This is not the forum to discuss the merits of what was said.]

Instead, let's use it as an opportunity to review our listening skills. Did you find that you were a supporter who agreed with most of what was said? Or did you find that you came in against the current commander-in-chief and dismissed most of what was said?

If either is true, you weren't alone. In fact, in many situations, we find ourselves looking for information that confirms what we believe and dismissing anything that doesn't.  

As in life, you likely have people who you listen to and believe most everything they say. You look up to them and value what they say. There are others you're less enthralled with. You may see them as frivolous, not very smart, and a waste of time to listen to. 

Harvard research has shown that once we take a stand on an issue, we gather information to support that position and look past anything that doesn't agree with us. The New York Times (and numerous late night comics) have taken to the streets to prove the same. They'll ask someone on the street about his or her position on a controversial person. Then the comedian will suggest that this person made a statement actually from the other side of the issue. The person on the street invariably agrees wholeheartedly with what this favorite person purportedly said -- actually an opposing position. 

Meanwhile, we sit at home laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

Don't be that guy on the street! Watch your confirmation bias.

Here are three things you can do to ensure you're listening more effectively:

First, forget the source until you've listened to the content completely. Forget that it came from your nemesis, your teenager, your least favorite cohort, or your competition. Listen to the information on its own merit. Then, and only then, discuss it.  Only after you've applied your critical thinking skills--add the source into the mix. This will help you hear the content on its merits and support/dismiss based on those merits. This does not mean ignoring the source completely. Many times there's value in knowing the source, its reputation, experience, history, etc. But, listening first helps us gain more information to make better decisions. Add the source after you've considered the information.

Second, put yourself into the speaker's position. Is what the person says really what he/she means? (Does your spouse really think you do something "all the time"? Does your teenager really think you're "the worst"? Does your marketing team really think this is "the greatest idea ever"?) Or is the statement being made for emphasize  or to support a different point altogether? Empathy is putting yourself into someone else's shoes and trying to understand what they're trying to communicate.  Listening is not just not talking. It's interpreting what someone says. 

Third, look for something to learn. How many meetings do you sit in where you think it's the same ol' same ol'? Where the same people are saying what seems like the same thing repeatedly? Ask yourself, "What's new?" "What's different this time?" "What am I missing that makes this person feel as though he/she must repeat this same information all over again?"  Is there something you missed last time? Something new added? Something that deserves as second listen?

Listening is hard work. Effectively listening means putting our pre-conceived notions on the back burner for a bit while we open-mindedly consider what's being said.

Watch the confirmation bias, and see how much more you'll learn!